Aht, Aht!
My toxic trait used to be that I would announce a project or an idea of my own, before even starting on it. Not only that; but I’d also have the nerve to wonder where all the pressure and anxiety to have it finished within a certain time, was coming from. It’s never fun coming to the conclusion that you are the villain in your own story.
“Is it me?? Am I the Villian?”
When you announce an idea prematurely, you suck the humanity and the humility right out of your creative process. Depriving yourself of all the grace that is necessary to make something out of nothing. I want the luxury of a second draft. What if I change my mind and I don’t want to do it anymore? Sometimes I need to stop and come back to it, can’t I at least do that?
But that imposter syndrome would say, “Nope, there’s no time for all that, you already told everyone it was great. 🗣️So don’t fuck it up.”
When to many people know I’m working on something, I feel like I’m on the clock. It’s like I called to Uber before I was ready; now I’m scrambling around for my purse, while also trying to glue on my lashes; can’t find my keys, and I have 45 seconds to meet the driver before he pulls off and hits me with a cancellation fee.
Dammit, now I’m overwhelmed.
If I get too overwhelmed, I’ll end up not doing anything (for a very long time) So let’s not do that.
So, my new rule is “Do It First.”
Before I open my mouth, or go to tweet anything, or tell someone, I just say to myself (nicely) “bitch, how about you just do it first?”
Show, then tell.
Actually, DO what you say it is you want or are going to do.
Create and bring it to life, first.
“WOW” yourself first🌟
You won’t have to rush. Rush for what? No one is expecting you.
My consultations with myself have been getting more real and more real. My higher self is both admirable and intimidating lol
The best thing about MoViNg iN SiLeNcE is the pressures and expectations are all my own. I used to think announcing my projects prematurely is what lit a fire under my ass to get it done, but I like to build anticipation and Salt Bae sprinkles some suspension on top of it. Not just for my audience, but for me too!
Are they anticipating or are they expecting?
I’ve learned to keep quieter about things to build more anticipation and not so much expectation. The difference between the two words is that, anticipate has emotion and grace attached to it. To anticipate means to know something is coming and to be eager for it. Anticipation is unconditional to a certain degree, which allows me to work more freely and breathe easy knowing I can take my time with it all.
Now expectation, I’m not too crazy about lol. This is what starts to build the more you speak on things. To expect is to also know something is coming, but with more certainty as to what and when. In my case it was giving “my friend is waiting for me outside at the time I told her I was coming, but I haven’t even left the house yet.” So, yea, I had to cut that out.
It makes me think about how we bullied Frank to give us another album. How we threw a fit when Issa told us we had to wait another year for Insecure. Or how Rihanna pays us no mind whenever we ask when she’s releasing more music. 😭 Beyoncé on the other hand, audiences anticipate 😌…see that?
I have no idea how a project will turn out until it’s fully completed. It might turn out better than I had envisioned; It might just look like crap; it can go either way and that’s FINE. (at least when no one is expecting).
The feeling of seeing an idea come full circle is undefeated and it’s honestly what encourages me to keep my mouth shut and focus on the WORK and charge the “what” and “when” to anticipation.
Which is easier said than done because honestly, after I make it to the top of one hill I lowkey be wanting applause 😭. But there’s a bigger picture at hand here so, I’ll just keep drinking my smoothies and self-care my way to seeing it through.
I’ve been doing a really good job with it so far; Don’t you just hate those clichés come true?
